So today didn't turn out the way that I wanted. Got up late, which was well deserved. I'm exhausted from my monthlies and the pace of the weekend. I just had two goals today - do my bible reading and paint. I struggled to do the first because I just feel exhausted mentally and it took everything in me to do the second. I got out all my supplies, set them up even, I was good to go. But I had to open my big mouth, I had to speak up. I thought it would have been harmless but life had other plans. 

All I did was ask mom not to touch my canvases in fear of her damaging them. I said it monotone and without attitude to ensure I wouldn't come across rude. But I guess I was. I don't see it and perhaps that's the prideful part of me. It mostly made me feel sad because I feel like it's a fight for people to understand me. Why does it have to be a fight..sigh. I just want there to not be a fight, you know? 

I know my period contributed to all that I was feeling. I just wanted it to be over, to not feel the piping hot anger that I was feeling. I wanted to end my life. I know, that's unhealthy. When these things happen, I see myself regressing and I feel stupid, so stupid. Every time like I feel like I've grown, I see that I haven't. It can be discouraging. And discouragement is so hard for me to overcome sometimes. Once it gets a hold on me, it's hard to let it go. 

But I'm not going to give up. I'll keep fighting. I'll keep growing. I will shake this off, I will improve. I will get better and I will win this. 
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